you used to be hot

“you used to be hot”

you said to me in the car as we were leaving the space where we had just merged lives, possessions, energies

your words hit my brain like a hot knife, a lobotomy on my self respect

replace confidence with submission, replace love with Stepford obedience 

i precariously stacked my feelings away in defense. “he’s just stressed” followed by “he’s tired” followed by “he’s right” 

losing my autonomy to eggshells that I crept on as I headed for Switzerland replaying in my head the words

“you used to be hot” 

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